ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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