a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
