Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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