Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
