right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
