Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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