God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
