I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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