I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize