Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
