Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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