I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize