I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
