I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
