Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
did i walk over a car last night?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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