I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
