I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize