absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can't trust your balls anymore.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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