Welp...herpes.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
