i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
