Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
