Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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