i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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