all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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