I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
