There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
