I just threw up on my dentist
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
