tell your sister to shave her snatch
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
