he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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