I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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