with your own penis?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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