she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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