Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
