I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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