if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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