No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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