I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
