I want to stick my p in your. b.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
