He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
