Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
