It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize