i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
