i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
