Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
