My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He had one of those small greek statue penises
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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