I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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