I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
