I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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