Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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