They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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