I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
