Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
