Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize