if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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