I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
