I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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