Moan for me like Helen Keller
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
