i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
