she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
