I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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