Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
