No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He? As in you personified your dick?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize