apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
