I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
