didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
