I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
