thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
