Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
