I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
