True but thats because hes a fetus.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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