I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i came on her dog
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
