remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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