I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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