i don't like sucking hair
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
