This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
