Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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