i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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