girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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