I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize