Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
