he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
