i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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