So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
