i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
