so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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